


Shields Off

by reddottedpaper



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Relationship Study, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 20:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18080480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddottedpaper/pseuds/reddottedpaper
Summary: Words were left unspoken and actions left undone. Perhaps we've still got a chance to change it.





	Shields Off

"Ben."   
  
She was staring into his eyes, her shoulders trembling and shaking from the cold air circulating through Falcon. His eyes were staring right back at her and she could feel the warmth of his quarters beaming at her through his body. He was somewhere on a New Order ship far far away, sitting on his bed. As was she, on the other side of the galaxy, scouting the planets of the outer rim for a safe place to settle and start anew.   
  
His gaze was shaky and he could feel tiny ice spikes stabbing his spine as she said his real name. He wasn't prepared for her appearing here. He never was. But now it's been weeks since the last time he felt her, saw her eyes, heard her voice. Until this moment he didn't realize just how much he missed it all. How much he ached for her to be here and help him as he felt lost and somehow only Rey could bring him peace. He felt peace when he battled with her by his side. He felt peace when he killed Snoke to save her. He felt peace and he felt right. But now when she was out of his reach, he was lost.   
  
He only knew what his mind has already settled. The First Order was wrong. The Jedi Order was wrong. The Republic was wrong. The Rebellion and the Resistance were wrong. The Empire was wrong. For different reasons or not, those sides were all wrong and they brought war and deaths and confusion to the whole galaxy. Kylo saw balance and peace in leaving it all behind. He wanted to start new, to do better. Him and Rey, her bright strength and will, her Force, they could together rebuild everything and make it better. Use their full potential to unite the whole galaxy safe and strong. For that, everything old had to die. Even the Resistance. Why couldn't Rey see that?   
  
All of these thoughts were spinning in his head as if battling over which one will slip out of his lips first. He wants to tell her everything, to explain it better than he did before in the throne room, hastily begging her to join him. But no words come out of his mouth, they just share a long time of silence, awkwardly acknowledging each other's presence. Rey tears her eyes away first, wrapped in a thin blanket and sitting on top of her cot in the Millennium Falcon personal quarters. She clears her throat and does her best to avoid his gaze.   
  
"I thought the bond is gone," she whispers.   
  
Kylo just now blinks, looking away from her face and down on his boots, his hands settled down on his knees. He doesn't answer, it's not like he has an explanation for this. After he saw her on the Falcon for the last time, he thought she was shutting him off on purpose, to not let him see where the Resistance is.   
  
"I thought you don't want to see me anymore," his voice is deep and strong.   
  
She wants to look into his eyes and see some emotion in them but he's staring at the floor. Would there be sadness? Regret? Or anger? Does he regret trying to kill all her friends and still chasing them? Does he regret not going with her or is he just angry at her? Does he hate her as much as she should hate him? But here's the catch, and Rey knows about it, she doesn't hate him.   
  
"It's not safe," escapes her lips.   
  
She's not sure if she's saying that on behalf of the Resistence or herself. Kylo looks up and their eyes meet, brown meets brown.   
  
"Are you scared of me?"   
  
"No."   
  
It's scary how fast she answered. They're enemies now. Even when they fought side by side in the past, they chose different sides of this war. Still, she doesn't feel hatred towards him. Even after all the things he's done. She believes he has light in him. But she knows he's too far gone to see it in himself anymore.   
  
"Don't you see me as a monster?" he says, looking straight into her eyes.   
  
"Yes."   
  
She sets her jaw firmly and grits her teeth, her brows lower. He's killed countless of good people, he's responsible for so many deaths. But her eyes shine bright and all the muscles in her face ease up slowly.   
  
"But you can be saved."   
  
He scoffs.   
  
"Saved? I'm the one in power. You and the Resistance are all crammed up in that small piece of junk you call ship. Exactly how do I need to be saved?"   
  
Even when he's not wearing it, Rey knows that all those words are just a mask.   
  
"There's Light in you, Ben."   
  
"And there's Dark in you, Rey."   
  
The silence that follows catches them both of guard. Somehow this all feels tiring. Dragging each other to the other side like little kids. They both know that no one can join either side unwillingly. Rey sighs and leans her head back against a panel. Kylo gently twitches at the thud it makes, he rubs his palms together and leans his elbows against his knees.   
  
"Aren't you going to use this to track us down?" she says, not looking at him.   
  
"I can see just the old ship's quarters," he mumbles and looks around his own room.   
  
Another few seconds of silence pass. Rey feels like this is an opportunity to gain information, to convince him to join the Resistence. But she feels like it's not the right time. She feels like the time she has with him now is somehow important to her, not the Resistance. Their eyes meet once again.   
  
"Were you hurt?"   
  
He raises his brow. She's talking about their Force struggle, when they split Luke's lightsaber in two and it knocked them both out. She woke up first and instead of killing him, she just left. He felt embarrassed.   
  
"No," he says silently and looks shyly down on his hand.   
  
Rey is the reason behind many scars his body bears.   
  
"Thank you," she smiles at him gently and he looks surprised, "For being there for me."   
  
He just watches her in awe, his eyes turning glassy slowly. He grips his own hands firmly, trying to numb the itchy feeling in his fingers from the time they've had touched. He can't take it and looks away, nodding his head gently.   
  
It meant so much to them, the bond they've had. So much more than just a bait. They've had someone they could talk to for the first time in forever, someone who felt the same while being so much different. And when she'd been there on the ship of The First Order, when she saw him and all those stormtroopers, she didn't feel scared. And he hadn't felt scared either.   
  
"I saw your future," he says as if he wasn't even speaking to her.   
  
"You'll be by my side. Powerful. We'll rule the galaxy together."   
  
"Did you see us ruling the galaxy, or just us standing together?" she asks calmly.   
  
He looks up into her eyes as if he didn't know the answer to that and she continued;   
  
"Dark side or the side of Light. Perhaps they're all wrong," she almost smiles, the sides of her lips twitch upwards, she's looking into nothing and Kylo watches her like she's the center of the universe.   
  
"Maybe the most important is that I'll be by your side."   
  
They watch each other, still and frozen. Kylo feels warmth unwrapping in his chest, cold sweat creeping up his back. Rey tucks herself more into her blanket, she feels colder, too.   
  
"Maybe we'll find a way how to bring balance to everything without... destruction."   
  
She sounds almost as if she's dreaming, looking away shyly.   
  
"I don't shy away from destruction," he says flatly.   
  
She gives him a disapproving look.   
  
"We're strong enough to do better than that. Together."   
  
He doesn't agree but he knows that she's aware of that. She still believes she can save everybody. He wants to let old things die, kill them, to start a new better world. Neither of them will back down. For right now though, it doesn't feel like they have to.   
  
"Together," he echoes her.   
  
He feels safe when he's looking into her eyes, he feels safe and warm. So does she when she's swimming in his dark deep eyes. She slowly shifts herself so that she's sitting on her knees on her cot, facing him. He eyes her and leans a little back, wary.   
  
"Why did you wear the mask?" she asks calmly, studying his face in a way that feels intimate.   
  
Kylo isn't sure he likes that but he doesn't stop her, watching her.   
  
"Fear," he answers.  
  
She holds onto that thought, seeing his hair messily falling into his eyes. It would probably anger him to remind him how much he looks like his father.   
  
"Others fearing you or you fearing others?"   
  
She's being rude, daring, everyone else would be choked, slammed, sliced in half on spot. But not Rey. Kylo blinks a few times and looks weakly away. He knows it's weak but he doesn't feel ashamed. It's ridiculous how much he trusts her, his enemy.   
  
"I don't fear anything now."   
  
A lie. He fears her leaving. He fears her dying or shutting off to him. He knows his attachment to her is too strong and hurtful at this point. He's not looking at her anymore and she leans slightly back to give him more space.   
  
"That's why you don't wear it anymore?"   
  
"If someone will fear me, they should fear my real face," he mutters, not sure if he's lying or not.   
  
His way how to get over his link to Snoke, to Vader. He didn't want to be a follower anymore. He wants to fix everything. To be who he is, make his weaknesses his strengths. Snoke told him to take off the mask to stop acting like someone he wasn't and he hadn't put it on since. It made Kylo stronger, it worked much better than Snoke thought.   
  
"I don't fear your face," Rey interrupts his stream of thought.   
  
He looks into her eyes and opens his lips to say something but she cuts him off as she lifts up her hand. He looks down at it and then up at her, she halts,  pressing her lips together with a wondering look on her face, asking for permission. He grants it, slightly nodding his head, his eyes follow her slender fingers as they reach for his face.   
  
He feels tingling all over his body like in anticipation of something great and he gets nervous. Rey's hand starts to shake gently and she holds her breath as the pads of her fingers softly graze Kylo's cheek. His cheek muscle twitches and he himself breathes out a bit too fast. Rey settles her hand on his cheek warmly. He's warm and she's cold, the bond connection makes them both feel the other's surrounding. The cold cot on the Falcon and the warm bedroom on a First Order ship. They're physically in two places at the same time, all they can feel is Force streaming through between them and their touch.   
  
Rey smiles slowly and Kylo looks more surprised by that than anything. Her hand starts to gently caress his cheek, she's watching his reaction but not his eyes. She gently touches the scar over his eye - the one she made - feeling his brow move gently up and down under her touch.   
  
He swallows the nothing he has in his throat. There's heat in his cheeks, he doesn't hate her touch. More than anything, he's intrigued by the way she looks right now, exploring his face. She looks interested, fond even, kind. She's smiling a bit. She doesn't look like she's looking at a monster. He looks completely dumbfounded.   
  
Because of the height difference between them she has to sit up on her knees to gently brush his hair out of his face, that's when he leans slowly forward to embrace her tight and warm. He makes sure to hold her close but not too hard but Force had he needed to hug her. She freezes for a moment and he's afraid she'll flee, that she'll disappear like steam and his arms stay empty but she doesn't. She feels his face nest into the crook of her neck and his big hands leaving warm imprints on her back. Rey faintly smiles and hugs him back, resting her head on his shoulder. They both can't hold back the tears so they don't, silently tearing up while feeling the other one.   
  
Rey's not alone. Ben's not alone. And right now in this moment, they know that they're not.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old story I wrote after seeing the movie. The force bond between Rey and Kylo was the most interesting and intriguing aspect of the story and I needed more of it.  
> I hope you can enjoy my humble take on the famous franchise. 
> 
> I appreciate any feedback and thoughts!


End file.
